


The Joke's on You (Five Plus One)

by IvanW



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Developing Relationship, First Time, Five Plus One, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Humor, Light Angst, M/M, Pining, Post-Beyond, Pranks, Romance, Sexual Content, Warped Sense of Humor, birthday fic, prompt, silliness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-02
Updated: 2016-07-01
Packaged: 2018-07-11 18:09:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7064542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IvanW/pseuds/IvanW
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five Times someone was Pranked on the Enterprise and the One Time they weren't.<br/>Okay the above isn't really accurate, because I'm not a prankster, honestly, and not very good at creating pranks. I tried.  </p><p>But...</p><p>Yaoichan12 wanted a fic for her birthday and she asked that it involve pranks on the Enterprise involving our two intrepid heroes. And perhaps some fluff. I couldn't resist some angst too. I decided this was going to be after the events of Beyond. Yes, I know they haven't happened yet, but I am vague about it enough I think it works. </p><p>Anyway, so it's evolved into something that was perhaps a bit angstier than she intended, but it is what it is and it's still gifted to her for her birthday!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Stupid Plan or MPreg anyone?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [yaoichan12](https://archiveofourown.org/users/yaoichan12/gifts).



“The wheels are turning.”

Jim looked up from the salad he was toying with to stare at Bones. “Huh?”

Bones sat across from him in the brand new mess. Looked pretty much like the old one, though. Not many design differences from ship to ship.

“In your head.” Bones picked up his ham sandwich. Or that’s what it looked like anyway. “Something on your mind?”

“I think Spock’s mad at me.”

Bones chewed for several seconds. “How can you tell?”

“He doesn’t react the same when I joke around with him.”

Bones leaned back in his chair. “No kidding. You try to joke around with Spock?”

Jim shrugged and picked up his iced tea. The ice had mostly melted and Jim made a note to talk to the replicator programmers to make an option for more ice. Lots of ice. “Well, you know how funny everyone thinks I am.”

“What? Who?”

“Try not to be too much of a pain. The point is, Spock usually pretends to find my comments at least mildly amusing or at the very least worthy of his fake scorn—”

Bones frowned. “Jim, I’m not sure it’s fake.”

Jim waved in irritation. “You know what I mean.”

“Not sure I do.”

“Eat your sandwich and let me finish. That’s an order.” Jim made a show of taking a bite of his salad, though honestly it tasted like wilted water or whatever. “Lately, well, since we got on the Enterprise, this one, he’s been, I don’t know more serious.”

“How do you get more serious than Spock?’ Bones held out a fry toward Jim’s mouth and Jim automatically opened it and took the fry. “I mean the guy doesn’t crack a smile, Jim. How can he get _more_ Spock-like?”

“It’s the vibes. He doesn’t even pretend to be exasperated by what I say.” Jim reached over and took another fry off Bones’ plate and pushed away the salad. “You know what I think?”

“I’d have a dozen commendations lining my dress uniform if I could even begin to speculate on that.”

Jim rolled his eyes and tore off some of the ham sandwich. “The morale on this ship sucks. It’s so heavy and depressing.”

“Could that be because some homicidal maniac named Krall nearly killed or enslaved every one of us and destroyed the Enterprise?” Bones asked.

“Sure that’s a point and all. But that’s exactly the problem. We need something to lighten the mood.” Jim tapped his fingers on the table and stuffed ham sandwich into his mouth.

“What do you have in mind? And I am really screwed in the head if I actually ask you that.”

“Did you get more dramatic?” Jim peered at the remains of Bones’ sandwich. “Are you going to eat the rest of that? And the fries?”

Bones pushed it toward him.

“Well. I’m thinking I need to play a joke on Spock.”

“On who now?”

“Spock.”

“Your very Vulcan first officer.”

Jim nodded around a mouthful of fries.

“Pointy ears. No sense of humor. Has an affinity for science. Dates your communication’s officer?”

Jim did not wince at that last comment. No way. Nope. It didn’t just make him lose his appetite. Or hell, maybe eat a whole other sandwich. Yeah. He really was hungry. He forced a smile. “Yes. Him.”

Never mind Jim had spent many days wondering if Spock would have wanted to be there to possibly save Jim’s life if he was being held by Krall as he had with Uhura. Bones’ words from so long ago came back to haunt him, “he’d let you die.”

“What are you planning on?” Bones asked. “Because, Jim, you have to be careful. You piss Spock off he goes from zero to strangle you dead.”

“I hope we’re beyond that point,” Jim said, somewhat sheepishly.

“Well, maybe you are, but Spock would probably still dearly love to choke me.”

“Didn’t you two bond? You totally did. And don’t try to get out of it, Bones. You’re helping me.”

****

It took a while to admittedly get his prank into place, longer than Jim would have liked, but he was finally ready for it. He’d deliberately delayed the start of his shift on the bridge, knowing eventually it would come.

The whistle whined.

“Bridge to Captain Kirk.”

And here it was.

Jim waited.

“Bridge to Captain Kirk. Acknowledge,” Spock said.

Jim hit the com. “Kirk here.” He’d deliberately made himself sound kind of weak. A trick he’d used to get out of school many times.

“Captain?”

“Mister Spock.”

“Sir, you were to report to the bridge fifteen minutes ago.”

“Oh. Ugh. Yeah.” Jim groaned. “I’ll be right there, Mister Spock.”

“Captain?”

“Kirk out.”

Jim, who was already dressed, of course, made his way to the turbolift and then the bridge. When the doors opened, he paused before stepping out.    

He saw Chekov look behind him at the door with a rather puzzled look.

With a shake of his head, and Jim decided he was far too predictable for his crew, he stepped out of lift onto the bridge. Spock rose from the captain’s chair, eyebrow already raised as he took in Jim’s hand on his stomach. Jim had a brief moment when he wondered if he should have put a little pale makeup for effect. But really he didn’t want to go nuts. Nutsier. Whatever.

“Are you feeling well, Captain?”

“I feel fine—” Jim shuttered and moaned.

“Captain?”

“Sorry. I just, God I feel nauseous. It’s been mostly mornings. Almost like…nah.”

“Perhaps it would be beneficial to visit the medbay, Captain.”

Jim felt just a little guilty when Sulu and Chekov gave him nervous, anxious expressions. He didn’t want to freak out the crew. Really, maybe this wasn’t his brightest idea.

“Actually,” Jim said, sticking to script. “I’ve already been to the medbay. Had some tests.”

“Maybe you have a fatal disease, Keptin.”

“Yeah, maybe—Wait. What?” Jim frowned at Chekov. “A fatal disease?”

“Vell, I do not vant you to have one, Keptin.”

Right on cue the doors of the lift opened. “Jim!”

“Bones, do you have my results?”

“You aren’t going to believe this. I find it hard to believe myself,” Bones said, holding up his PADD.

“The Keptin is dying?’

Jim scowled at Chekov. “You seem awfully gleeful, Ensign.”

“What is wrong with the captain?” Spock asked.

“He’s pregnant,” Bones announced to the stunned bridge crew.

“I’m-I’m what?”

Bones nodded, walking over to Jim to show him his PADD. “Pregnant. It’s the most incredible thing _._ ”

Spock looked over Jim’s shoulder. “How is this possible? And _who_ is the father?”

“Well, I can hardly tell you that based on a few tests results. But as to how, well, I’ll be damned if I know. There was that planet—”

Jim frowned. “Right. The chancellor did monopolize my time there, but Bones, I don’t have a womb.”

Bones pointed at the PADD. “Says otherwise, Jim.”

“Who is the father?” Spock asked, his tone just short of a demand.

“Dr. McCoy?”

Jim turned to gape at Chekov. “You and I are going to have words later, Chekov.”

The young ensign blushed.

“Not me,” Bones said quickly. “But I have a pretty good idea.”

“The captain did say the chancellor monopolized his time,” Sulu suggested.

Uhura had her arms across her chest and she looked less than impressed. “Come on. You don’t actually expect us to buy you got knocked up by some random hookup on an unnamed planet, do you?”

“I’m not the doctor,” Jim protested.

“What planet was it, Captain?” she asked with a smirk.

“Well. Um. I-”

“There was no planet.”

“There are plenty of planets, Uhura.”

“Not ones that get human males pregnant, Captain. Spock, the captain is playing a joke on you.”

Spock turned his dark eyes on Jim. “Captain, is this true? Is this some bizarre human idea of humor?”

All eyes on him, Jim sort of grinned sheepishly.

Spock turned to Bones. “And doctor? You are in on it?”

Bones sort of grimaced. “I did tell him it was foolhardy.”

“I expect this sort of juvenile behavior from the captain and must tolerate it as he is my commanding officer. You, however, I do not have to.” Spock advanced on Bones.

“Wait. Spock. What are you doing?” Jim asked in a bit of panic. Spock looked pissed.

“Now, Spock, you know—”

Spock’s hand went around Bones’ throat. Bones gasped as Spock lifted him off the floor.

“No! Spock. Stop.” Jim rushed over trying to pull Spock off Bones.

“All right, Spock,” Uhura said. “I think you can release Leonard now.”

Spock let go instantly.

Bones rubbed his throat. “Easy, man. That was almost too real.”

“What?” Jim asked, dumbfounded.

“You did say to make it appear so, doctor.”

“We were pranking you, Keptin,” Chekov announced with a big smile.

“Pranking me?”

Bones slapped Jim’s shoulder. “You did say crew morale needed a boost.”

“Not at my expense,” Jim protested. It may have been a whine. A manly one.

“But it was all right at my expense, Captain?”

Jim turned his back on Spock. “Bones?”

“Yeah, yeah, I told the hobgoblin. We thought it would be fun to turn it around on you.”

“And you were correct, doctor. It did hold some amusement.”

“Well, fuck me.” Jim ran his fingers through his hair as his stomach turned over. “I think I do feel a little sick.”

“Oh, come on, Jim. Give it up.”

“No, Bones, really.” Jim grabbed his stomach. He held up his hand as Spock approached. “Spock, you might want to step back.”

“Captain—”

Jim threw up all over the front of Spock’s science blues.      


	2. Concerns, Rubber Vomit, and Revelations, Part 1

Spock opened his closet after showering to get his uniform shirt. That’s when he saw the vomit spread out over five of his uniform shirts.

How that could have happened, Spock had no idea. There was no smell of expelled stomach contents for which he was grateful. He peered closely at one shirt and realized the vomit was not real but rather was made out of some sort of rubbery plastic.

Someone’s idea of a joke, he supposed. Likely the captain’s since he’d been the one to expel his stomach contents all over Spock the day before. He was not certain how the captain had managed it since as far as he knew Dr. McCoy had the captain in the medbay overnight, doing real tests. But then it was likely Jim simply ordered a cohort to do the task of spreading the fake vomit on Spock’s clothing.

He peeled it off one of his shirts and pulled the shirt over his head. Then he peeled the rest off his remaining uniform shirts and discarded them in the receptacle.

Spock finished his tea and then made his way to the medbay to check on the captain’s condition.

Jim lay in a biobed staring at the ceiling. At the moment he was alone. His skin was a rather ghastly white and his hair stood on end in several places.

“Look, Spock,” he said when Spock appeared by his side. “I’m not at my best right now.”

“What is the diagnosis?”

“I have some sort of flu.”

“That is quite vague.”

“I’m not the doctor, why don’t you ask him?” Jim closed his eyes.

“Are you in pain?” Spock asked. Part of him wondered if this was not yet another elaborate prank on the captain’s part.

The captain didn’t open his eyes. “Stomach, throat, head, and um…you know the rest you don’t need to know.”

“I received your prank this morning,” Spock said.

The eyes opened this time and Spock had to admit they looked rather glazed. “Prank?”

“The rubber vomit on my uniform shirts.”

“Maybe I’m delirious or something but did you say someone threw up on your uniform shirts?”

“Negative, Captain. It appears someone put joke rubber vomit on my uniform shirts. Since you are currently in the medbay I can only assume you have a cohort.”

“Sorry to disappoint your deductive reasoning, Mr. Spock, but I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Spock, are you bothering my patient?” McCoy suddenly appeared, scowling at Spock, and then at the captain. “I told you to rest, Jim.”

“Hey, I’m not the one giving me the third degree,” Jim protested.

“What is wrong with the captain, doctor?”

“He has the flu.”

“What kind of flu?” Spock asked, still skeptical.

“I’m still running tests so I haven’t determined the exact strain yet.”

Spock arched a brow. “What are the symptoms?”

“Nausea, Vomiting, diarrhea—”

 “Kill me now,” Jim whispered.

“Fever, headache, swollen glands.” McCoy glared at Spock. “Shall I go on or is that enough to give me your diagnosis?”

“Fever?’ Spock looked at the vitals listed above the captain’s head and immediately regretted his doubts as to the captain’s well-being. “His fever is quite high.”

“No kidding? McCoy said sarcastically. “Now, if you’re done pestering my patient—”

“How long will it take for the captain to recover?”

McCoy snorted. “Let me go get my crystal ball.”

“Bones.” Jim sighed.

Spock’s gaze went to Jim, who did look like he felt quite ill. Spock felt another twinge of guilt for his doubts. “I will check on you later, Captain. The doctor is correct. You should rest.”

“Okay. Hey Spock?”

“Yes, Captain?”

“Why don’t you just run a security scan to see who accessed your quarters?” Jim suggested. “That will give you your rubber vomit culprit.”

“Rubber vomit?” McCoy frowned. “Do I want to know?”

Jim shook his head slowly. His eyes were drifting closed. “Probably not.”

“Do not concern yourself with it, Captain. I will attend to the matter,” Spock assured him. He glanced back to Dr. McCoy. “Keep me posted on the captain’s condition.”

“Yeah, yeah.” McCoy waved Spock off as he turned to Jim and injected him with a hypo to his neck. The fact Jim did not protest solidified for Spock that his captain was not faking.

****

“How is the captain?” Nyota asked when he went to her quarters later. She had just brought him spiced tea that she brewed herself.

“He is gravely ill.”

“What does he have?” She folded her legs under her as she sat on the couch in her sitting room area.

“Dr. McCoy is uncertain. I have asked to be kept posted.”

She studied him. “You’re concerned.”

“The captain is rarely sick. Injuries sustained from planet missions he should have abstained from are common and therefore visits to the medbay have become routine.”

Spock lifted the teacup to his lips and took a sip. Their years involved in a romantic relationship had benefits beyond the normal scope, for she knew exactly how he preferred his tea. It seemed a simple task but it was rarely simple with anyone else, Spock had learned. Except Jim. He always served it correctly when they had chess matches also. Though Spock had never spied a teapot in the captain’s quarters the tea he served Spock always tasted freshly brewed. He had never bothered before to wonder about it.

“But an illness is quite unusual for him, though he is prone to headaches.”

Nyota took a swallow from her own teacup. “I’m sure Leonard will give him the best care possible. It’s funny that he turned out to be sick after that prank he tried to pull.”

“I found the timing questionable as well and had suspicions that it was another attempt at humor on his part.”

She made a face. “That hardly seems funny.”

“Agreed. And as it turned out my suspicions were unfounded.” Spock gave a small shrug. “On the other hand, it would seem I am the intended recipient of another prank.”

“Yeah? What?”

“This morning I discovered several of my uniform shirts plastered with fake vomit.”

“Fake what?” Her eyes were wide.

“I can only assume it is a reference of some sort to the captain purging his stomach contents upon me.”

Nyota shook her head. “Who would do that?”

“I have yet to discover their identity. I had surmised it might have been the captain or a representative of his, but when I broached the subject with him in the medbay his insistence of not knowing about it appeared sincere. He also suggested I do a security scan to determine who accessed my quarters.”

“And?”

Spock shook his head. “I have not done so yet but will when I leave here.”

“That’s fairly juvenile,” she said with a shake of her head. “Well, it’s certainly not me.”

Spock arched his brow. “I would never have suspected nor accused you of it, Nyota.”

She gave him a sweet smile. “I know. But I’m not above playing tricks, Spock. But certainly not something as silly as fake vomit.” She eyed him over her teacup. “Do you want something to eat?”

“At present I am not particularly in need of nourishment.”

“You really are worried about Jim, aren’t you?” She sighed. “Spock, he’s going to be fine. Leonard wouldn’t let anything happen to him.”

“I know he takes particular care of the captain,” Spock acknowledged.

“Honey, are you ever going to tell him?” Her voice had become soft, gentle. The way it always did when she wanted to talk about emotions. Usually it was unwelcome.

“It is doubtful.”

“He might surprise you.”

Spock shook his head.

Nyota sighed. “He cares about you, Spock. More than anyone else. Everyone can see it.”

“I have no doubt of his affection for me, Nyota. But it is of a friendly nature. We are brothers and friends.”

“T’hy’la,” she whispered.

He hesitated. “Yes. But what I have with him is enough. It is better than the alternative and more than I could have hoped for. He has said many times he is not interested in relationships and that he has no intention of ‘settling down’. Do you recall his reaction to that reporter who asked him if he there was anyone he was thinking of for Mrs. Kirk before we shipped out on the new Enterprise?”

Nyota bit her lip. “Yeah. But maybe he just isn’t interested in a woman.”

“Most of his sexual escapades are with females, Nyota. I am content. Truly.”

“Okay.”

Spock finished his tea and set the cup down. “You are welcome to announce the demise of our romantic relationship, Nyota. Especially if there is someone else you wish to pursue.”

She shook her head, smiling. “There isn’t. And anyway, with everyone thinking you and I are still involved that way no one bothers me. I like it.”

“If you are certain.”

“I am. Should I change my mind for any reason, I’ll let you know. Do you need a refill?”

“Negative.” Spock stood. “I must go. I have reports and correspondence to attend to since the captain is incapacitated. And later I intend to check on his welfare.”

Nyota walked him to the door and stood up on her tiptoes to kiss the corner of his mouth softly. “All right. I have a few hours to get some sleep. Goodnight.”

“Sleep well, Nyota.”

Spock exited her quarters and made his way down the corridor toward his own. He acknowledged crew greetings with a nod and then keyed in the code to enter his quarters. It perplexed him not to have thought to check with security as to who dared enter his quarters. It should have been something he’d considered himself. It also made him wonder who would know his code in order to do so.

He decided he wanted a small bowl of fruit after all and went first to the replicator in his quarters. As the bowl of fruit came out he noticed another piece of rubber vomit in the bowl. He was not amused.

Spock ignored the fruit and went to his terminal. And according to security records, _no one_ but himself had accessed his quarters in the last twenty-four hours.  Which did not mean he imagined the prank, but rather someone who was very good with codes and computers had done so. His thoughts went back to his brilliant commanding officer and his extraordinary knowledge. But surely not. Jim was definitely sick.    

The incident was going to require further research. And he did not have time at present. He changed his access code and then he set to work. He had actual ship’s business. One thing was certain, Spock had lost his appetite.


	3. Concerns, Rubber Vomit, and Revelations, Part 2

Jim was starting to feel better at last. He had no real idea how long he’d been feeling like he’d never feel better, but he was grateful to learn the thoughts had been his usual irrational feeling sorry for himself thoughts.

He was even sitting up in the biobed for the first time in days. Years. Whatever. He’d have to ask Bones how long it had been. He still pretty much looked like shit. He was sure of that. He hadn’t had a shower and he couldn’t recall anyone even attempting to give him a sponge bath. He could barely stand his own smell.

Nurse Gorgeous stepped over to his bed. She had a name. Um. Grace or something. But Jim had decided Gorgeous suited her best. She was beautiful with long brown hair she held back in a ponytail and brown eyes that reminded him of…well never mind that. They were pretty. She was pretty. And if she wasn’t a member of his crew he might get to know her really well.

“Here you go, Captain.” She handed him a large cup. “Chicken broth just like you wanted. I checked with Dr. McCoy and he said it was fine for you to have as much broth as you wanted.” She paused to give him a big smile. “So when you’re finished with that just call for me if you want more. Or anything really.”

“Thank you,” Jim replied, smiling back. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

“That will be all, Nurse.”

Jim glanced past Nurse Gorgeous to see Spock and Bones standing there. Spock appeared vaguely perturbed, for a Vulcan, and Bones looked like he had sucked on a lemon.

Nurse Gorgeous didn’t seem particularly disturbed by her commanding officers. She leaned in close. “I’ll see you later, Captain. Enjoy your broth.”

She walked past Bones and Spock with a serene smile.

“You leave my nurses alone, Jim,” Bones said, wagging a finger.

“Hey. I’m completely innocent. I just asked for broth.” Jim took a sip. “Hopefully I can keep this down.”

“I saw you using those baby blues on her, so you don’t fool me.” Bones started scanning him.

“Hiya, Spock.”

“Captain. It is gratifying to see that you are recovering from the Macardorian flu.”

Jim frowned. “The macaroni flu?”

Bones chuckled. “Macardorian, Jim. You probably got it on Space Station 4. I’ve checked and they have a few other cases there.”

“How is it transmitted?”

"Bodily fluids.” Bones smirked.

Jim glanced briefly at Spock who stared back at him blankly. He felt his cheeks redden. “Oh.”

“Anyway, your fever’s gone as you know. You’ve not thrown up in a while. And no more diarrhea.”

“Bones,” Jim said through gritted teeth.

Spock arched a brow. “Captain, I am well aware of the bodily functions of humanoids. Your embarrassment is illogical.”

“Yeah, well, your pointed ears, too.” Jim huffed. “Never mind. How long have I been in here, Bones?”

“Three days.”

“And when can I get out?”

Bones sighed. “That’s all you ever ask. Hurts my feelings that you don’t want to be here.”

“Whatever. When can I get out?”

“At least another day, Jim. I want you on solid food and keeping it down.” Bones shot a look at Spock. “And leave my nurses alone. Drink that broth. I’ll be back.”

Spock stepped closer as soon as Bones walked away.

“How’s the ship?” Jim asked, then took a sip of the broth.

“Functioning at expected levels.”

Jim felt his lips twitch. “Good to know. How about you?”

Spock’s eyebrow rose. If it had been anyone other than Spock it would have appeared impertinent. “I am also functioning at expected levels.”

“I’m totally gratified to hear that,” Jim said, deliberately using Spock’s words. “But I mean…you aren’t still mad, are you?”

“Mad, Captain?”

“About the little joke I played on you. Tried to play on you.” Jim grinned. “The pregnant thing.”

“Yes,” Spock replied. “I understood what you were referring to. I was never angry with you.”

“No?” Jim asked doubtfully. “Well, good.”

“Drink your broth, Captain.”

Jim took another sip. “Did you find out who put the fake vomit on your uniform shirts?”

“Negative.”

“You checked who accessed your quarters?”

“Indeed and apparently I am the one who put it there.”

Jim frowned. “Huh?”

“I am the only one who has accessed my quarters according to the computers,” Spock replied.

“Oh.” Jim scrunched up his face. “Well. That’s a conundrum.”

“Do not concern yourself. I am certain I will discover the culprit eventually.”

“Okay.” Jim nodded and smiled. “You don’t want to stand too close, Mister Spock.”

“Captain?”

“I reek. Haven’t showered in days.”

“Ah. Yes.”

Jim’s eyes widened. “Are you saying I _do_ reek? I was kidding. Oh my God. Bones! Get in here. I need a shower.”

“Captain—”

Jim waved him away. “Go on, go on, get out of here.”

Spock sighed. He actually sighed. But he did turn and leave Jim to lay there in his own stench.

****

Jim got out of the medbay late the next afternoon and he went right to bed and slept through the night. Bones had him out for another twenty-four hours after that before he could be cleared for duty.

Midday the next day Jim was going stir crazy so he got himself dressed and went to the mess. He was surprised to find Spock sitting by himself sort of gazing at the replicators.

“Hey.”

“Captain? Are you not supposed to be in your quarters?”

“I’m not quarantined or anything,” Jim said immediately.  

“But you are dressed in your uniform.”

“Well.” Jim shrugged. “What’s up? You aren’t eating?”

“I am contemplating it.” Spock seemed to hesitate. “I cannot seem to acquire nutrition without vomit being a part of it.”

“Wait. What?” Jim stared at him, his mouth open waiting to catch flies. “Are they putting it in your food?”

Spock nodded.

“That’s…okay. That’s pissing me off.” Jim squeezed Spock’s shoulder. “What do you want? I’ll get it.”

“I had a craving for Plomeek soup,” Spock admitted. “Even the ship’s replicated version.”

Jim nodded. “Coming right up.”

Jim went to the replicator and ordered the soup, which thankfully, came out without rubber vomit. He then got a second bowl and brought them over to the table Spock sat at.

“Captain, you are partaking of Plomeek as well?”

“Yeah. Soup sounded good.”

Spock stuck his spoon in his. “I am told that most humans find the taste bland.”

Jim shrugged. “I’m not most. I’ll pretty much eat anything.” He scooped some up and tried it. He nodded. “It’s good.”

“May I ask why?”

“Why what?”

“Why will you eat anything?” Spock sounded genuinely curious. “I was given to understand that most humanoids have preferences with regard to taste.”

“Oh, sure, that’s probably true. I’ve just learned to eat it all. Food is precious.” He closed his mouth and pretended to concentrate on his soup. He’d just said way too much. He didn’t talk about Tarsus to anyone and certainly not Spock. He hadn’t even told Bones. There was a reason all that was classified. “Anyway. You still haven’t found out who’s pranking you?”

“I have not. However, I admit I have not put much effort into the task.”

“Hmm. Where’s Uhura anyway? You two usually eat together.”

“Nyota had plans to eat with another crewmember later.” Spock tilted his head. “Captain?”

“Hmm?”

“Are you pursuing Lieutenant Michels?”

“Huh?”

“The nurse from the medbay.”

“Nurse Gorgeous?”

Spock arched a brow.

Jim laughed, feeling himself blush a bit. “Uh. Yeah. That’s just what I call her. And no. No.” He shook his head. “She’s beautiful. But no. I would never mess with a member of my crew like that.” He laughed again. “And you know me, I run from relationships.”

For a moment, Spock said nothing, but then he nodded. “Yes.”

“Don’t worry, Spock. I’m not going to be that inappropriate. She is cute though.” Now that Jim thought about it, it would likely still be months before they’d get any sort of shore leave since they’d all been planetside while the ship was being rebuilt. Apparently Jim was going to get to know his hand very well for a while. “Sorry by the way."

“For what do you apologize?”

“It’s my fault they’re playing tricks on you. Puking on you and all.”

“Yes, that is correct,” Spock agreed. “Plus you encouraged the notion that I should be the object of questionable merriment.”

Jim frowned. “I did?”

“Indeed, Captain. When you attempted to deceive me with your pregnancy story.”

“Oh. Well. Maybe. Yeah. About that—”

“It is quite all right, Captain. And I am due on the bridge.” Spock rose.

Jim eyed his not quite finished bowl of soup. “Can I have the rest of that?”

“Help yourself, Captain.”

Of course, he already was.

****

“Keptin on the bridge.”

Jim smiled at his bridge crew as he stepped off the turbolift. Spock was at his science station, but he did not look up. He walked right up behind Chekov and Sulu. “Gentlemen.”

Chekov glanced at Sulu nervously. Sulu pretended not to notice.

“You two wouldn’t happen to know anything about the rubber vomit that’s been plaguing our first officer for these several days, would you?”

Spock straightened immediately and turned to stare at them.

Chekov was bright pink but Sulu was still trying to look innocent.

Jim nodded. “Thought so. Knock it off. You’ve taken it way too far. And I don’t want to see or hear about any more of it going on. Do you understand?”

“How did you know, Keptin?”

“Had a little chat with Lieutenant Arecheli and Yeoman Rand, your two conspirators. Arecheli managed the access to Spock’s quarters and Rand put the vomit on his shirts. Arecheli helped you with the replicators, too.”

“Uh.” Sulu sort of winced.

“They gave you up, so don’t bother to deny it.”

“Yes, Captain.”

“And if you have any more tricks with it planned already set in motion, I suggest you take care of those. I will know if you haven’t. Got it?”

“Aye, sir.”

“I trust this will be a one-time incident, because really accessing a superior officer’s quarters in this manner would and should require a reprimand on your records.”

They both stared at Jim.

Spock came up to stand near him. “I do not think that will be necessary this time, Captain. I believe the Ensign and the Lieutenant will have learned their lessons. And provided it will not happen again—”

“No, Kommander,” Chekov said quickly.  

“Definitely not, sir,” Sulu added.

Jim nodded, satisfied. He squeezed their shoulders to let them know things were cool and turned to sit in his chair.

Something moved against his ass and then chirped. Jim jumped out, heart pounding, as he looked back. He heard more than a few stifled laughs.

“Okay. Who put the fucking tribble in my chair?” 


	4. Never Try to Fool Your Doctor

Spock could tell his captain was bored. He’d been fidgety of late. Wandering around the bridge instead of staying in his chair. Shifting his legs constantly while he sat in the mess room having his meal.

He had wanted to sit beside the captain and was surprised when McCoy chose to sit next to him instead of across as they sat down to have something to eat.

Spock tensed as McCoy grabbed Jim’s chin. “Uh-huh.”

“Uh-huh what? What the hell, Bones? Let go of my face.”

“You aren’t sleeping again.” But McCoy’s hand dropped from the captain’s face. “Nightmares?”

The captain looked away from the doctor’s face to Spock briefly, his expression unreadable, before he looked back to Bones. “Drop it.”

Spock could not fail to notice the dark circles under Jim’s eyes. Even without the doctor’s pronouncement.

Jim stuffed a sliced peach into his mouth. “What time are we getting to the planet? What’s it called? Marshmallow?”

“Marshlanian 12,” Spock said with a shake of his head. He was pretty sure Jim knew exactly what the planet was called.

“You’re deflecting,” McCoy said, shaking his finger at the captain. “And when we come back from this planet, I’ll see you in the medbay.”

“What for?”

“A sleep aid! If I have to I’ll sedate and stick you in a biobed for a week. Jim, I’m not kidding.” McCoy stood. “And you.” He pointed to Spock.

Spock arched a brow. “Yes, doctor?”

“Just…I don’t know.” McCoy huffed and walked away.

Jim’s jaw clenched. “Don’t pay any attention to him, Spock. Let’s get ready for the mission.”

****

“Captain, what are you doing with that plant?”

“Relax, Spock. It’s harmless.” Jim hunched down next to it. Fingered the leaves.

“Are you certain? Captain, your allergies—”

Jim put a leaf into his mouth.

“What are you doing?” Spock demanded.

Jim laughed. “I told you, it’s fine. I already checked with Sulu. It’s like vanilla flavored.” He stood up. “But that totally gives me an idea.”

Spock looked at him skeptically. “An idea?”

“I’m going to prank Bones.”

“And how are you going to do that, Captain?”

“He’s over there, right? I’m going to tell him I’m having an allergic reaction.”

“You are going to pretend you are ill in order to trick the doctor?” Spock tried very carefully to keep the dismay from his voice.

“Yep.”

“But…forgive me for my inexperience with general human ideas of humor, but how exactly is that humorous?”

“Well, you know. He’ll freak out.”

“And you find humor in that?”

Jim shrugged. “For Bones, yeah. Listen, I know you don’t get it. It’s my way of torturing Bones like he tortures me. It’s harmless.”

Spock straightened. “Somehow I doubt that. I want absolutely nothing to do with this, Captain. I hope I make myself clear.”

But the captain waved that away without comment. “Here he comes.”

“Jim, what are you doing?” McCoy demanded immediately.

“I was just taking a look at this plant. Supposed to be edible.”

McCoy narrowed his eyes. “Get away from it, you bonehead.”

“Actually, I already tasted it. It’s pretty—” Suddenly the captain grabbed his throat and gasped.

Spock would have rolled his eyes if that wouldn’t have been an all too human reaction. Instead he turned his back on his dramatic captain and stared using his tricorder on another area.

“Damn it, Jim! We’d better get you back to the ship. I don’t have the right hypo.”

The captain’s only response was another gasp. Spock had to hand it to him. He was a good actor.

“Shit, now you’re turning blue!”

Spock spun around. Sure enough, Jim’s skin was a strange color, his eyes were bugged out, and he was pointing desperately at his throat. Spock pulled out his communicator and ordered beam up.

****

“I suppose you’re going to say you told me so,” the captain said as they walked toward their quarters after he’d been released from the medbay.

“That was not my intention,” Spock assured him.

“It seemed like it was fine. And Sulu said it was.”

“He did apologize.”

“Yeah.” Jim sighed.

“James Tiberius Kirk!”

Jim flinched as Dr. McCoy came running down the corridor after them. “Bones?”

“I just heard! This whole thing was intended to be a prank.”

“Well.” Jim moved behind Spock. “It was. Yeah. But look it didn’t end up that way.”

“You think it’s funny to scare the crap out of me?” McCoy was glaring. He held a hypo in his hand that even to Spock looked pretty wicked.

“Not anymore!” Jim protested. “And anyway, I didn’t.”

“But you tried to! Spock, get out of my way!”

“Don’t you move, Spock. You have to protect me.”

“Your petty squabbles do not concern me,” Spock said.

“As your captain, I order you to protect me.”

“Captain, perhaps both you and your chief medical officer should consider behaving proper as befits your positions on this ship instead of as spoiled children.”

“Now, wait a moment! Spock—”

Spock gently pushed the hypo McCoy had handed to him into Jim’s neck. He caught the captain as he fell and he swooped him up into his arms. McCoy entered his code and the captain’s quarters slid open.

“Hell of way to make sure the idiot gets the sleep he needs,” McCoy muttered.

“Yes.” Spock set Jim down on his bed.

For a moment, McCoy stared down at their captain, but then he looked to Spock. “I have patients to see.”

“Goodbye, doctor.”

When the doctor had left, Spock set about undressing his captain for bed. He removed his boots and then the rest of his clothes save for his boxer briefs. Then Spock went into his dresser drawers for pajama bottoms and a T-shirt. He dressed Jim in both and then pulled the sheets and blankets up around him.

Though it was not proper to linger, Spock sat on the edge of the bed and smoothed hair off Jim’s face. “T’hy’la.”

His fingers caressed Jim’s cheek before he rested them there. For a moment he felt the brilliance of Jim’s mind reaching out for him. Spock’s hand slipped from Jim’s face. He stood up and moved away toward their shared bathroom.

“Computer lights off.”


	5. What I Really Meant to Say is I’m Sorry for the Way I Am

“You look like hell.”

“Love you too, Bones.” Jim plopped down heavily on Bones’ couch in his quarters. They’d agreed to meet there because it would simply take the crew longer to find Jim. When Jim was in his quarters, it seemed everyone thought they could just come by any old time. Which yeah, Jim didn’t mind usually. He was the captain and he did have an open door policy. But right then? He didn’t want to deal with…well…anything. Probably made him a bad captain.

“Why does it look like you got no sleep again? Do I need to start hypoing you nightly?”

Jim leaned his head back and closed his eyes. “You’re welcome to try it.”

Bones sucked in a breath. “Now I _am_ worried. Jim—”

“You got anything to drink? Something hard.” He lifted his head, blue eyes blazing.

“Yeah, I do.” Bones went to a cabinet that had two wooden doors that opened out. He removed a bottle and two glasses. He didn’t comment further until he had poured a couple of glasses of good Southern Bourbon. He walked over to the couch, handed one to Jim, and then sat beside him. “That bad, huh?”

“It’s been a rotten few days, Bones.” Jim rubbed his eyes then took a swallow of his drink.

“Yeah,” Bones acknowledged. “You’ve handled it well though, Jim. No one could have done it better.”

“Maybe. Not even Spock?”

“Especially not Spock.”

Jim nodded, looked down into his drink. “I sometimes wonder if I’ll ever feel warm again.”

“Want to talk about it?”

He shook his head. “No. Sort of. It’s just…no matter how hot I put the temperature up in my quarters I still feel like a block of damn ice.” Jim licked his lips. “Can I sleep in here with you tonight?”

“Sure. You never have to ask. You’re always welcome.” Bones squeezed his knee. “Maybe it’s time for another one of your pranks?’

“I’m really not in the pranking mood right now. Let someone else do it.” Jim took another drink, let it burn down his throat. “I saw them fucking together you know.”

Bones stared at him for a while. Then he shook his head. “Did you actually see them fucking?”

“No. God. Don’t put that image in my damn head, will you? I’ve already imagined it plenty.” Jim grimaced. “I saw him going into her quarters and she kissed him as he went in.”

“You know they’re together, Jim,” Bones said quietly. “They’ve been together the entire time you’ve known them.”

“Yes. Normally…I handle it. This week has been anything but normal.” He drained his drink and stood, walking over to where Bones had left the bottle.

“Let’s get dinner.”

Jim nodded. “Sure. Pasta with meat sauce, okay?”

“Sure.” Bones went to the replicator. He came back to the couch with two plates of pasta with meat sauce. He handed one to Jim who had returned with his refilled drink.

They ate in silence though Jim was aware of Bones watching him the entire time.

When he had nearly finished, Jim sighed. “What?”

“It wasn’t your fault.”

“I know.” He did. It didn’t make it any easier though. And some part of him thought it was always his fault. Too much of Frank’s voice in his head, ‘You never do anything right’.

Anyway no amount of knowing deep down it hadn’t been his fault, there really was nothing he could have done to change the outcome, didn’t thaw the chill that stuck to his bones like icicles hanging from eaves.  

He set his plate down on the table. “That was good. You’re a good cook, Bones.”

Bones smiled. “He does really care about you, you know.”

“Who?” Jim leaned back to sip the bourbon.

“Spock.”

“Oh.” Jim nodded. “I know. ‘Because you are my friend’ “I have been and always shall be your friend’. Believe me, Bones, I get it. I know.”

“Not sure you do, Jim. I don’t think Vulcans make friends easily. Least ways Spock doesn’t. He helped me with you the other night when I hypoed you.”

“He did?”

“Who do you think got you ready for bed?”

“You?”

Bones snorted. “I had better things to do. Spock.”

“Great. Now he’s seen my naked bod.”

“I’m sure he managed to keep down his dinner.”

“Thanks.” Jim scowled.

But Bones laughed. “The point is, he cares about you. A lot. He may be a stupid green-blooded pointy-eared bastard with delusions of grandeur but his affection for you is real and unmatched.”

Jim smiled slightly. “”Can I take a shower?”

“Knock yourself out. Wait. Scratch that. Knowing you, you’ll think of that as permission to do exactly that. Just go take a shower.”

Jim rose then waggled his eyebrows. “Wanna join me?”

“You wish.”

Jim gave him a smile or at least he thought he did and went into Bones’ bathroom. He took a water shower, turning the hot water up high so that it scalded his skin, but not even that worked and after a while he stood under the hot water spray shivering, letting his tears of anguish fall down his face unchecked.

****

Spock was headed down the corridor before his shift when he saw the door of Dr. McCoy’s quarters opening. Expecting the doctor to emerge, Spock’s steps faltered when it was the captain.

“Morning, Spock.”

“Captain?”

“Are you asking if I’m the captain?”

Spock recognized Jim was attempting to tease. He was not in the mood for it. “Did you spend the night with Dr. McCoy?”

“Hmm?” Jim’s brows furrowed for a moment. “Yes. I did.”

“Was there-there something preventing you from utilizing your own?’

Jim smiled quizzically, his tongue darting out to trace his lips. “Nope. I just felt like being with Bones.” He tilted his heads. “Friends with benefits.” And then he winked, heading down the corridor.

Spock headed to Nyota’s quarters. She opened the door immediately, dressed for her shift, and greeted him with her usual kiss.

Then she pulled back. “What’s wrong?”

“I believe that Jim and Dr. McCoy are sleeping together.”

“Sleeping together?”

“Yes. I just came across the captain departing the doctor’s quarters.”

“Oh. Well. I’m sure there’s some other logical explanation. They’re just friends, Spock.”

He shook his head. “I thought so but Jim confirmed it himself.”

Nyota looked shocked. “What?”

“He said they were friends with benefits.” Spock tried to keep the dismay out of his voice but he did not think he succeeded.

“Are you sure that’s what he said?”

“Yes.” Spock turned on his heels. “I must confront the doctor.”

“What? Wait. Spock, are you sure that’s what you want to do?”

“Yes.”

****

“Doctor, a word.”

McCoy looked up from attending a burn on the hand of one of Mr. Scott’s assistants. “Wait in my office. I’ll be there in a minute.”

Spock went to the doctor’s office and tried to curb his impatience.  

“All right, Spock, what’s up?”

“I have come to discuss the captain.”

“Jim?”

“Is there another Captain?”

McCoy smirked and sat behind his desk. “Sassy today. What about him?”

“I am aware of your intimate relationship and I—”

“Our what now?”

Spock straightened, clenched his hands behind his back. “He spent the night with you.”

“Sit down, Spock. You’re driving me to drink with your hovering.”

Spock hesitated, but then reluctantly sat.

The doctor steepled his fingers together. “Yeah, Jim stayed with me last night.”

Spock blew out a breath. “Then it is true.”

“What’s true?”

“You are sleeping together.”

“Well. Sure. Last night.”

“May I ask why?”

McCoy sighed heavily. “Tea?”

“No.”

McCoy turned to his replicator and ordered himself a coffee. “Jim’s really wrecked right now.”

“I am aware of that,” Spock said softly.

“That’s why he stayed with me last night.”

“Then you took advantage of his vulnerability.”

“I what?” McCoy sputtered. “He was in a bad way. He’s taking the recent events particularly hard. He didn’t want to be in his quarters where pretty much no one leaves him alone. And I can’t blame him.”

“But to engage in sexual relations—”

“Whoa. What? Nothing like that, Spock.”

“But the captain said otherwise.”

“Jim did?”

“Once again I must remind you that there is no other captain,” Spock said sharply.

“You’re here in _my_ office, Spock. You’d think you wouldn’t sass me. I don’t know what Jim told you, but Jim slept in my quarters. _Slept only_.”

“The captain said you were friends with benefits.”

McCoy rolled his eyes. “He was just joking with you, Spock.”

“I do not find it humorous.”

“Jim has an odd sense of humor. Trust me, Spock, there is nothing sexual between us.”

Spock did trust McCoy. “Very well.”

“Honestly, though, why do you care so much? Aren’t you with Uhura?”

“Nyota and I ended the romantic aspects of our relationship some time ago.”

McCoy stared at him in surprise. “You did? How come no one knows?”

“We both felt it prudent not to subject ourselves to the spectacle of a breakup.”

“Well. You seem pretty cozy.”

“We are friends only. Just as you and Jim are.”

“Okay.” McCoy nodded. “Jim’s having trouble dealing with this, Spock. He needed a friend last night and so he came to me. That’s all there was.”

Spock stood. “Thank you, doctor.”

****

When Spock stepped onto the bridge Jim did not turn to look at him from the captain’s chair as he usually did. His gaze stayed focused on the viewing screen as if the stars themselves held the answers to what ailed him.

Spock made his way to his science station. During his shift he noted Jim’s gaze only strayed from the screen to look at the PADD he had clutched too tightly in his hands. His fingers were white from gripping it. The lines around his eyes and mouth were taut with recognizable stress.

He never once looked around the bridge, which was most definitely his habit. But now, his gaze never went to another station on the bridge. Not once. Spock knew it was quite deliberate.

Half way through, Jim asked in a very clear, unwavering voice that was deceptive in its strength. “Status report, Mr. Sulu?” He didn’t look in the helmsman’s direction.    

“Steady at warp two, Captain. We should reach the space station in forty-two hours with maintained speed,” Sulu replied, his tone equally calm and professional though Spock noticed the tremble in Sulu’s fingers.

“Thank you, Lieutenant.”

When the shift was over, Jim got up stiffly, his gaze still carefully averted from looking anywhere but where it was necessary to make it to the turbolift. Spock followed in after him.

Jim glanced at him. The corners of his mouth lifted very slightly. “Hey.”

Spock pulled the lever to stop the turbolift. Jim’s eyes widened.

“What are you doing?” Jim asked.

“Captain, I admit to not knowing all the nuances of offering comfort to humans.” Spock paused, gathering his thoughts. “But I do believe that many humans will accept embraces during times of grief?”

Jim visibly swallowed. “Yeah, some do appreciate hugs.”

Spock took a step closer to him, noting the very subtle change in the hitch of Jim’s breath, the darkening of the blue of his irises. “And you? Are you one such human?”

“Not-not usually,” Jim admitted. “But if you’re offering, Mr. Spock, I’ll accept.”

And now that he was faced with putting his arms around Jim, Spock found himself hesitating. Not altogether sure the offer had been a good idea.

Jim must have seen something in Spock’s face, for he gave a somewhat wry smile. “You don’t have to, Spock. It’s okay.”

But it was not okay. Spock would do anything for Jim. Anything for his t’hy’la. Even hold him when he had no real right to do so. But they were friends and friends sometimes hugged.

He took an even closer step to Jim and wrapped his arms around his captain, pulling him against Spock’s chest.

For about thirty seconds, Jim stood stiff in his arms, and Spock began to pull away thinking the embrace had been unwelcome after all.

But then Jim sagged against him, his arms coming around Spock’s back.

“You are cold,” Spock whispered, realizing his captain felt like a block of ice in his arms.

“Yeah,” Jim whispered, his voice a shaky gasp. “I don’t think I can get warm again.”

Spock felt a pain in his heart. He closed his eyes and leaned his head against Jim’s.

“I’m fine, you know,” Jim said.

“I know,” Spock agreed, because he saw no other choice. “I grieve with thee.”

Jim nodded. His hand clutched Spock’s uniform shirt, his fingers twisting tightly.

The whistle of the comm.

“Captain, is everything all right? Your turbolift seems to be stuck, sir.”

Jim pulled out of Spock’s arms, with a shake of his head, and a sad smile, though Spock did not fail to notice Jim’s eyes were dry, as though he would not let himself cry. Not in front of anyone.

Jim hit the comm. “No, Hendorff. Everything’s fine.” He pulled the lever to send the turbolift into motion once more.

Spock wanted to follow Jim into his quarters, but he did not. He went to his own and gave strict orders that the captain was not to be disturbed.

When he was certain, or felt he was, that Jim had fallen asleep, Spock went into Jim’s quarters from their shared bathroom. He brought with him four warming blankets which he tucked around his sleeping captain.

Then Spock touched his fingers to Jim’s forehead. _Warmth_. He projected it as best he could, hoping to wrap his t’hy’la in as much comfort and security as he could.

  He had to move his hand off Jim’s skin eventually, regretfully. But he did not return to his own room. Instead he went to sit at Jim’s desk, deciding he would stay with Jim for the night, leaving before his captain woke so it would not become awkward. But last night McCoy had been allowed to comfort Jim and so Spock intended to do so tonight, as much as he could manage and would be allowed to do.

As he watched Jim sleep, restless, Spock could not help but wonder if his staying was for Jim’s benefit or his own.   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I deliberately left it vague in this chapter as to what occurred.


	6. Now, I Stand Here Helplessly Hoping You'll Get into Me

“Shore leave at last,” Jim said as he sat across from Bones under a beach umbrella. He had an orange and red frosty iced drink in front of him. Bones, predictably, had some sort of whiskey.

“Amen to that. I thought the brass was never going to approve it.”

Jim’s gaze followed Sulu and Scotty as they made their way down the cobbled street toward a pub with a sign declaring, ‘Ole Vic’s Pub’. “This place has something for everyone.” He shrugged. “Except maybe Spock.”

“Not coming down?”

“I have no idea. Uhura might talk him into it.”

Bones grimaced. “They’re not together, by the way. Not like you think.”

“Huh?”

“Romantically. They’re only friends now.”

“How do you know that?” Jim sucked on his straw, avoiding the little pink and green umbrella sticking out of the top.

“Told me himself.”

“Spock?”

Bones nodded. “After he came charging in to accuse me of taking advantage of your vulnerability.”

Jim choked. “My what?”

His friend smirked. “This happened just after you told Spock we were friends with benefits.”

“Oh.” Jim smiled. “I did. He was being nosy and I was being—”

“An idiot. Some things never change.”

Jim tossed the little umbrella at him.

“Anyway, I set him straight and during that conversation he dropped the bomb on me.”

Jim shook his head and reached for his drink again. “When did this happen anyway?”

“No idea. But I got the idea it was a while ago.”

“Hmm.”

“What’s that mean?” Bones asked.

“Nothing. It just means he obviously didn’t want me to know or he would have mentioned it.” Jim sucked down more of his drink until the point he almost got brain freeze. “I don’t know how I feel about that.”

“Spock’s very private.”

“Yeah. You know what? I take it back. I do know how I feel about it. Pretty shitty actually.”

“Jim—”

“You know what? Fuck Spock.” Jim finished his drink and stood up. “Or don’t fuck him. I’m going to go fuck someone else. I’m going to spend the remainder of this shore leave fucking until I can’t fuck anymore. That’s what I’m going to do. And Spock can sit up on the ship entertaining his not-girlfriend anymore all the live long day and I couldn’t give a fuck less. You got that, Bones?”

Bones raised both eyebrows. “I’m pretty sure anyone within a five-mile radius got that, Jim.”

Jim nodded. “Excellent. See you back on the ship.”

He was passing Ole Vic’s Pub when Sulu and Scotty came out.

“Oh, Captain. Want to have a wee drink?” Scotty asked.

“Later.”

“Captain,” Mr. Sulu called after him. “Commander Spock was looking for you.”

“I don’t care.”

“What should we tell him if we seem him again?”

“Tell him I got married! I don’t care.”

****

Jim sat on the beach, by himself. He had no idea what time it even was. The sun on the planet was coming up, that much he could tell.

“Captain?”

Jim didn’t look over as Spock approached. “Hi Spock.”

“What are you doing?”

“Sitting on the beach. Isn’t that pretty obvious?”

“I have been looking for you for hours.”

“Hours, Spock?”

“Yes.”

Jim closed his eyes. “How many hours?”

“Twelve point three.”

“Twelve point three,” Jim repeated hollowly. “Why?”

He felt Spock drop down on the sand next to him. “I am your first officer.”

“I’m on shore leave. Your duty stops.”

Spock inhaled sharply causing Jim to at last open his eyes and look at him.

“Did you really get married?”

Jim automatically looked at his left hand. It was barren, of course. He didn’t answer.

“Where have you been, Captain?” Spock asked, his voice soft. “Not here for I checked this area earlier.”

“Your nose works well, Spock. You figure it out.”

“Then you were engaging in sexual conquests.”

“Isn’t that what I do best? Mindless sex with no meaning?”

“It is not what you do best. Captain—”

“I didn’t get married. There’s no one I want to get married to.”

“I…am aware.”

“Not on this planet anyway,” Jim whispered.

“Captain?”

“Spock, why aren’t we friends?”

“Captain?”

Jim laughed. “You can’t even call me Jim when I’m on shore leave. You didn’t tell me you weren’t with Uhura anymore.” He held up a hand to stop Spock speaking. “Please don’t bother. For a while I wondered why you wouldn’t and then I knew. It’s none of my business. You don’t even care enough about me to tell me something so important in your life. And God, you really have no idea how much that hurts.”

“Jim—”

“When-when the old you melded with me, he showed me these amazing things. Between them. With them. And God I allowed myself to think-to hope that would be us. But it never will be.”

“Jim, it was never my intention for my silence to—”

“Hurt me?”

“Yes,” Spock said softly. “It had nothing to do with you.”

Jim swallowed and turned away. His heart felt heavy in his chest.

“No reflection on you.”

“I know, Spock. God, I miss him.”

“Clarify.”

“Your-your counterpart. He cared about me in a way no one ever has and it felt real. And now he’s gone and it’s gone.”

Spock stared at him, he felt Spock’s stare. “I did not know you were so close.”

“Because you didn’t want to.” Jim bowed his head. "And I just need to realize you are never going to feel like I do."

"Feel?"

"Forget it." Jim struggled up off the sand.

“Wait.” Spock’s fingers tightened around Jim’s wrist.

Jim gasped, his whole arm vibrating with warmth, flowing from there and into the rest of him. “What-what the hell?”

Spock let go instantly. “My shields…I apologize.”

“Shields?” Jim shook his head. His gaze flicked to the sky. “We’re due back on the ship.”

"Jim."

But Jim shook his head. "Not now. I'm done talking."

Spock nodded and stood, following after Jim without further comment as Jim rubbed his wrist.

“Captain, Commander,” Sulu called to them. “There you are.”

Sulu and Scotty suddenly tossed rice at him. Jim laughed as Spock took a step back.

“What is the meaning of your assault upon the captain?”

“Relax, Spock. It’s a joke. Alas, gentlemen, she said no. I’m still single.”

“Oh, aye, and a shame it is.”

Jim grinned at Scotty, ignoring the Vulcan by his side who stared rather intently at him. “Let’s go back to the ship.”

“Captain—”

“Never mind, Spock. It’s all right,” Jim assured him. “Forget what I said back there. I got too much sun.” He took out his communicator. “Kirk to Enterprise. Four to beam up.”

  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter will be posted July 01, her birthday


	7. Transfer Request

“Make it fast because I’m not in the mood and I’m in serious need of a shower or two.”

Bones wrinkled his nose. “You do smell like sex.”

Jim crossed his arms over his chest. “What do you want?”

“One to give you the list of the wounded.”

“Wounded? We were on shore leave.”

“There’s always wounded after shore leave. I’ll just send it to your PADD.”

“Anything serious?”

“Nah. Usual stuff.”

Jim nodded. “Anything else?”

“How many people did you fuck down there anyway?”

“You called me into the medbay to ask me that?”

“Not only that,” Bones said with a small shrug.

“Three.”

Bones shook his head. “You’re something else.”

Jim grinned. “That’s what they said.”

“Jim—”

“I don’t need a lecture, Bones. What else?”

“It’s about Spock.”

Jim eyed him warily. “What about him?”

“He-um-I guess he plans on requesting a transfer.”

Jim took a step back, moving his hand to his stomach. “What?”

“Uhura told me. He came back up from shore leave very upset.”

“Spock? Upset?”

“That’s what Uhura told me. ‘Spock has unrequited feelings for the captain’ she said. And I guess something you said or did down on that planet convinced him he couldn’t deal with it anymore.” Bones looked at him critically. “The three sexual partners comes to mind.”

“But-but that was just…Bones, are you trying to prank me or something?”

“Prank you?” Bones looked surprised. “Of course not. Cross my heart and hope to die and all that. I guess he’s preparing to send the request to your PADD and I just wanted to warn you. You’d better fix this, Jim. I know you don’t want Spock to go anywhere.”

Jim licked his lips. “Spock doesn’t-but he doesn’t—”

“Apparently he does.”

Jim turned and walked out of the medbay. It was not possible. Spock didn’t return his feelings. And request a transfer? Without speaking to Jim?

 _No_.

Jim went to his own quarters because he needed to think and he really did need a shower. A water one. He discarded his clothes and on the way into the bathroom, he ordered himself a coffee and a buttermilk biscuit with sausage, cramming the biscuit down while he waited for the water to heat up. Bones would probably kill him for wolfing down his food but he was totally ravenous.

Perhaps he took longer in the shower than he should have, but he needed time to think. What the hell was he going to do about Spock?

Jim got out, dried off—sort of—he never fully dried himself, and wrapped a towel around his waist, eager to return to the coffee he’d left in his quarters. He might have to reheat it but—

“Spock.”

Spock stood in his quarters, ramrod straight, his hands clenched behind his back. He was now staring at Jim’s naked chest. Then very slowly his gaze rose to Jim’s face.

“I can come back at a more convenient time.”

“No, I—how’d you get in?”

“I used your code.”

“Oh.”

“I apologize for the invasion of privacy,” Spock said so stiffly the words battered Jim.

“It’s all right. You’ve always been able to come in whenever you wanted.”

Spock nodded. “I would like to discuss my transfer.”

The pain was so great suddenly that Jim sucked in a breath and turned away, running his fingers through his hair. “It’s true.”

Spock inhaled sharply. “I am at a loss to explain it.”

Jim licked his lips and walked to his wardrobe. “It is on my PADD then?”

“Is what on your PADD?”

Jim took out a clean shirt. Then turned to stare at Spock. It hurt to look at him. It did. He wanted to drop to his knees and beg Spock to never leave him. Bones had to be wrong about Spock’s feelings because Spock’s expression could have been made out of stone for all the warmth it held.

“Your transfer request.”

“You refer to your request to transfer me?’

Jim dropped his shirt and took a step forward. “My what?”

Spock blinked and tilted his head. “Nyota—”

“Bones—”

“Wait.” Jim suddenly felt shaky, like his legs wouldn’t quite hold him. “Spock, please tell me you don’t want to be transferred.”

“Never.”

“But—”

“I never want to be transferred. I never wish to be sent from you. I want to spend all my days by your side in whatever capacity you will have me,” Spock said quietly.

The relief Jim felt made him giddy and lightheaded. He laughed. “Then-they why did—”

“I believe they were trying to deceive us.”

Aware he was pretty much naked and vulnerable in front of a still mostly stiff Vulcan, Jim decided to take a chance anyway. He took the last few steps over to Spock until he was standing right in front of his fully clothed first officer.

“Bones also says you have feelings for me,” he said softly. “Was he deceiving me then too?”

Spock didn’t respond, not verbally anyway, but he was staring into Jim’s eyes with such intensity Jim felt his very soul had been bared, stabbed and left bleeding.

“What was your exact relationship with my counterpart?” Spock asked eventually.

“Are you asking me if he-if we—no. We were friends. I loved him so much and the fact that he’s not here any longer is just—it’s beyond any loss I’ve ever felt,” Jim admitted. “But it’s nothing compared to what I’d feel if you left me.”

“Jim—”

"And those others? God...it's just sometimes I feel so fucking empty. They fill that. But never totally. And you know why?"

Spock hesitated. "No." 

“Spock, it’s you I love. It’s you I’ve always loved. You-you fill me up in ways—I can’t possibly explain. There aren’t any words.” Jim felt tears prick his eyes and it figured he’d get all fucking emotional just then, but he couldn’t help it. He was exposed to his very core. “Sometimes I feel like I’ve loved you a thousand years and other times like it hasn’t been a day or that no matter how long it is it won’t ever be enough. And I’m resigned to have you as only my friend and that’s okay, that’s survivable because you’d still be here, but if you—”

Spock’s lips crushed over his, cutting his big, stupid emotional declaration short, and Jim didn’t care. He grabbed the strands of Spock’s hair and tugged him closer, opening his mouth to Spock’s invading tongue.

Jim felt a little draft and realized Spock had pulled the towel off him, exposing him entirely.  Not that he minded.

He pulled back enough to ask, “Are we—”

“Yes,” Spock murmured, pulling him back to nip at his lips.

“Do you—”

“Definitely.”

Suddenly he was swung up into Spock’s arms and he had to quickly wrap his arms around Spock’s neck for balance.

“Whoa, whoa.”

Jim found himself deposited flat on his back on the bed. He blinked in shock as Spock began to remove his own clothes. He licked his lips as his gaze went right to Spock’s very prominent erection.

“Uh.”

“You have seen male anatomy before.”

“Well, yeah. Duh. But…not a Vulcan.”

Spock quirked a brow. “And?”

“Jesus, Spock. Hurry up and fuck me already.”

Spock was suddenly on the bed, hovering above him. “Jim, you are the most beautiful human I have ever known. Indeed, you take my breath away like no other. But you talk entirely too much.”

And at that moment Jim pulled Spock down for a kiss.

****

“Spock?”

“Mm.”

“Are we in—

“What do you think?”

“I think we are.”

“We are.”

Jim smiled and buried his face in the pillow. “Hey Spock?”

“Yes, Jim?”

“You—I mean you didn’t actually say it. But…you meant you—uh.”

Spock turned toward him and rested his fingers on Jim’s face. “Here.”

Jim sucked in a breath. “Oh. Oh.”

Spock’s fingers dropped from his face. “Now do you understand?”

“Uh-huh.” Jim licked his lips. “I really want you to fuck me.”

“I do not think you are ready for that again.”

Jim moved quickly, sliding onto Spock and straddling him. “Wanna bet?”

"Vulcans do not engage in wagers and-"

“Spock?”

“Yes?”

“You talk too much.” And to prove it, he shut Spock up. Not with a kiss. He had…other methods. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy birthday, Yaoichan12


End file.
